The Pepper Grinder Rating Scale.

Each restaurant’s black pepper grinder is rated on a scale of 0 to 5.

0. The restaurant didn’t have a pepper grinder, or we weren’t offered fresh ground pepper.
1. The pepper grinder is one of those little plastic screw-on cap things.
2. A do-it-yourself pepper grinder on the table (not a plastic screw-on cap).
3. A standard pepper grinder, carried by the wait person.
4. A pepper grinder that could double as a police impact weapon. Or, a motorized pepper grinder with no light.
5. The ultimate in pepper grinder technology. Motorized, and with a light on the bottom.